Saturday, November 05, 2005

Life - The obvious mystery!!!

Well... thnx to the frnd who said my blog looks good :)

This is life... when we talk about wat happens .. everyone says.. so wat... it happens to everyone.. but when we talk about how it felt.. the response is different - I know how it feels, I had been there before, Don't worry it will be fine someday..

The words that comfort us... do they really take away the pain? well I guess I can't argue like the same about the words of appreciation or compliments.. b'coz those sure does make u feel better.. :)

But starting to think abt it... If i came and told one of you that i am suffering a severe headache.. would you be able to share half of it with me? Or if i said i was dying of some disease.. can that fear of death and pain be reduced by sharing??

when we know for sure, that sharing the feeling of pain, fear of failure etc to someone close, is not going to make it any easier or less painful.. why do we still share.. If we observe ourselves more closely.. we actually share it more than once and to more than one person.. does this mean that the first one with whom we shared our pain is not the rite one...?? or will it make our pain completely disappear if we shared it with more than one person..?? I believe that it is our way of healing..

lets consider a very usual example.. when someone finds himself or herself loosing the game of love... they are ofcourse hurt and heart broken.. they do talk abt it to their frnds and/or family .. to someone who is really close to them ..

The healing usually begins like this ... they keep brooding over it and tell their close ones that they failed to make it work in love.. Step 1: the blame is on me... i am responsible...

You keep saying this same thing to your frnd soo much that one day your frnds turn to u and say ... listen... how could it be you... you did everything to make it work.. you were the one who was open for all suggestions .. you sacrificed a lot on your time for love... blah blah blah... Step 2: Oh!! for god sake... the listener is sick of listening the same thing again and again and again.. :P (Just kidding)... the listener ofcourse being a good frnd tries to comfort you..

Then you say... "you know wat.. you are rite.. i did it all to make it a possibility... i did this.. i did that.. i sacrificed so much..with no appreciation to it..." Step 3: you start to feel comfortable and continue to comfort yourself by bouncing the ball of blame to the others...

You would still talk abt it.. but in a different tone.. different angle.. a totally different perspective.. now you say that the other person was a jerk / creep.. never deserved your time and your emotions .. Step 4: This is most likely the final stages of healing and you are ready to date again :P

Now, back to our question ... where did this healing start??? was it when u knew your relationship was falling apart?? was it when you started putting the blame on yourself..?? was it when you had those comforting words from the frnds...?? or was it when u blamed the others for it??

well i wud say someone just wasted few days / weeks / months on the healing process when probably it was not neccessary at all.. if we can let go of things after some talks and comforts and whole lot of time.. we can let go of things whenever we want to..

Thatz it... thatz the answer... WHEN WE WANT TO... and ONLY WHEN WE WANT TO...

We choose to talk and we choose to believe that talking will help the healing.. so these words of comfort that had been luxury for sometime have now become a neccessity ..

But the truth is .. an answer to any question lies in the question itself.. and if you are part of the question.. there is no point searching for answers from others... it is in you... you just have to WANT to see it and accept it..

Healing is a way of running away from the problem... letting time to heal your hurt is a way of giving something a looooong time that eventually u are hoping to forget it... Now... this is a whole new dimension of life that can be talked later... the page is already too long .. :)

Lets try and solve they mystery of life slow enuf so we get to talk abt it more often .. :)

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

What we forget to see… and how???

There is always the other side of the coin…. It’s all up to us, as to which side we want to see!!!

There were times when people saw me ugly…
There were times when I wish I was imperceptible …
There were times when I did not see it coming…
There were times when I did not want it come…

How stupid of me?? As a matter of fact, all of us are most of the time this stupid… In spite of knowing so much, yet we are so uninformed of ourselves. We get carried away with the thought that we would be dissected in the eyes of the society, and so, sometimes we even fear our own shadow.

And then comes questions like –

What am I doing?
Why am I doing what I am doing?
Why am I making certain choices?
Why am I repenting some of my choices?

How many of us let our fear rule over our call on these verdicts? Guess most of us do… Not many of us take the time to think from our own boots. If we took that time… may be some of us could find answers to these life changing questions one seeks.

The most interesting part of this search is why am I like what I am and not what I want to be? Does anyone feel the question by itself is completely wrong? If there is anything that you want as badly as you sound, and yet did not have your wants, it could mean either of the following –

May be you are not working towards it… but wait… if you want something so badly, is it not natural that you would have started slogging you ass for it…??? Hmm, then may be you want is not as strong as you think!!!

May be you are so impatient that you want it and want it now??? This again means you haven’t put your share of work for it!!??

The bottom line is… stop wanting things that you are not willing to work for. Or want something so much that you are already started working for it without your own consent.

One of my good friend told me that I was not willing to listen and even if I did, I would have my answers ready for him and so it was no point talking to me !!! Well, I should admit… most of the times I am a little more than obstinate for anyone… may be life would be much more simpler if there was someone else who took all our decisions .. Spoke all our words.. Dreamt all our dreams..Oh yeah.. Worked their ass to get it done: P Now talk about wanting too much!!!!

Most of our emotions are driven by the key word trust. Trust or Faith again depends on one’s own perceptions. Let’s see, how I can put across my perceptions well here. If I could trust someone the most, it would be myself or simply my instincts. Only instincts can protect us from the obvious pain. (TRY taking your finger closer to fire, then may be you would know your instincts).

Instinct can never go against one’s own self interest or would do harm to itself. If all my actions are intended towards fulfilling my own protection and betterment, I can at most be selfish, not unfaithful or unworthy of trust. This is true for everyone; b’coz no one would ever do anything that they think would hurt them or even worsen them. (Even the worst criminal has his rational and knows his keys to the door out!!!).

The bottom line facts about life that I have learnt so far…

(1) People talk – everyone!!!
(2) People talk a lot, that most of time doesn’t mean much to you nor to them.
(3) You can’t stop them from talking… better way is to stop listening perhaps.
(4) There is nothing, or no one, that worth your time and emotions. (I am still learning this one!!!)
(5) Trust everyone… and suspect anyone.

If it is true that the beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder … then may be ugly, lies in their hearts.

The irony is that good stops at the gate and the rest is stored in the hard disk.. J