I always believed that, when your heart is hurt, nothing can heel it: Time just gives you bigger wounds to be dressed!!!
You know how sometimes you feel like you are jammed in your throat or you just forgot every word in every language you ever knew? The world just darkens right in front of your eyes and you can do nothing about it!! To me, this happens when I start fighting with myself.
Human emotions can be highly complicated and mine.... gosh... the almighty had made a mistake!!! How is it possible to hold a burning fireball under the waters?? I never felt soo much of hatred in me for someone I love more than I can ever love myself. Thatz exactly the problem. If I cared to love myself more, then may be I wouldn't be contemplating such emotions and I would have moved on. But for now thats just another "what could have been"!!!
The more my mind tries to rationalize my present, my heart keeps fighting between the love and hatred. But some how, life just plays its dirty trick on me again and again. I know the man I love the most, is now a couple of hours drive away from me and yet, I am as helpless as a kid watching her favorite doll drown!!
Well the question still remains... I can always talk to him if I wanted to. But is that true. For anyone to talk, there should be a willing listener!!!
To all the men out there, how many of you truely listen? One's capability to listen is exhibited in the reaction that follows. In a relationship, be it love or friendship, a reaction need not neccessarily be a reciprocation, you could just be responding. But most of us choose to listen to only those things that we want to hear, or choose not to listen at all and thatz exactly what he did!!
The fear of rejection is still understandable. But the fear of being deprived and for reasons I never got to know will always remain as the untold fear in me!!
PS: This post was not intended to regret my past... b'coz I don't. I just wish my time had frozen then!!
2 comments:
interesting..heavy heavy fuel..over senti..tkae it easy maaa...
I listened and listened and was totally bored, but still listened to her. In a 10 hour long phone call, in one stretch. I was sickened of the blah-blah-blahs but still it sounded sweet to me. I thought its worth listening if that would give her some relief. Well, she never let me talk my heart out. It was all herself that she cared about.
Later that relationship ended in one year as it was like the Eagles song:
"...she had a lot of pretty, pretty boys..
that she call friends..."
Well, I am now feeling glad that I am saved.
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